Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
