is wine microwaveable?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
