bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
