Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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