My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
