Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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