thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
