love makes seman taste better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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