I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
