You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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