I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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