This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
