I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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