I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
