I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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