I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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