I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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