"it" just moved
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
