Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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