i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
