I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
