I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
