he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
