Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
