He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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