I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
