i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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