After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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