my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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