do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We are all done wearing pants today
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
