I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
