I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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