New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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