Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
