She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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