I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
