U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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