We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
