piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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