Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
