I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
