So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
