Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
