I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
