He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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