I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
