Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
