theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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