theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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