Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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