2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How drunk are you?
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