i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
