There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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