called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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