I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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