covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
