is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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