The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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