We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
