we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
