Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize