btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
