I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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