I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
