I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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