Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
