Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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